Before I begin, I need to disclose that I really do have a blessed life that I’m very grateful for. I have an A-Mazing (hot) husband, 2 incredible energetic little kiddos, a home that I love, family and friends who are dear to me… With all that said, I struggled with a LOT in 2018.

— Do you relate to my conundrum of having a blessed life AND so many internal struggles?

Well, at the end of 2018, I spent quite a bit of time reflecting on what was going on that year, as well as considering what I want to be different in 2019 to experience life differently. Better.

What I experienced a lot of in 2018: loneliness, frustration, feelings of failure and inadequacy, impatience. These are things I wouldn’t expect alongside blessings. The thing is, I add SO MUCH to my own plate, along with high expectations and spreading myself too thin… the result was that all the categories of life only seemed to get half-ass effort. I’m not ok with that. But it’s the best I could do at the time. Unfortunately, it resulted in the feelings I listed above. And I felt unhappy.


What I want to experience a LOT of in 2019: JOY! I want to be a Joy-Seeker!

— So…. How does that change happen? What do I/can I do differently?

For one, my awareness about all of this is helping. And I say ‘Seek Joy’ out loud to myself often. I’m also trying to focus much more on truly Being Present with the people I’m with, without thinking of the to-do lists I have waiting for me. Now, I know this piece will take me a while to work on. But I’m pleased with even being able to re-direct myself when my kids want my attention playing some made-up game, for example, and I have a lot to get done. I have realized that BEING there, in all senses, in that moment is so much more important.

That brings me to another thought… really considering what is actually IMPORTANT to me. Not just keeping something on my to-do list because its been there for a long time. If I haven’t gotten to it in however many months, is it really that necessary to keep hanging over my head? Another thing I need to keep evaluating.

~~ Something I find fascinating is the difference between JOY and Happiness. To me, it’s stark.

To seek – and find – Joy in all circumstances can seem NUTS. But as I think of examples, I see it can be true. Such as this silly one… All the time I have to spend waiting in my car at school pick-up is not something that makes me happy. However, I could (and should) find much Joy in the fact that I get to spend that time with my 3 year old. Instead of me trying to play catch-up with messages on my phone, I could (and should) focus on that opportunity to chat, laugh and maybe sing with my baby. Really show her my attention is on her. And have a better attitude, while I’m at it!

Seriously, the school pick-up line is not something I am happy about. It feels like such a daily waste of time. But dang, what JOY I could find in moments like those, if I just Look Up to see it!

** Where can you SEEK JOY in your life that you’ve never considered before? **

Beth Gordon
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