You say “I’m a good person, why do I not have the life I deserve?” Because dear one, you are missing the secret key….. it’s you.  You must be the person you want others to believe you to be when no one is looking. 

I’m going to say this a lot here: just stop, just fucking STOP! You are driving yourself crazy trying to do big things when the work that needs to be done is on you. If I asked you to write 100 things you love, how long would it take you to name yourself? 

For years I thought I was such a great person, doing nice things for those around me, writing inspirational messages on social media, organizing charity events blah blah the whole nine yards. But I still had a shitty life. I was miserable, and my life kept falling apart. What (I thought) people didn’t know, was I had a glorious coke habit and drank copious amounts of alcohol instead of dealing with issues from my childhood, my continually bad relationships, all the normal stuff that happens to every person honestly. 

I was not living a life by choice, I was allowing life to happen to me and just acting like the good-hearted person I so desired to be. I played the victim a lot of the time and it certainly did not serve me. So, when someone said you need to take deliberate, extraordinary action in the direction of your dreams, that changed something in me. 

What is deliberate action?  The definition of deliberate is: done consciously and intentionally. But how does one Deliberately Love Yourself to create the life of your dreams? Ill tell you how I did it….

Every single day I make the choice to be better than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I will be better than I am today. I make the choice that poisons, no matter how socially acceptable, are not for my highest good. I make the choice never to lie esp to myself. 

I make the choice to be conscious of my health and my body. I make the choice to watch my words because they hold great power. 

I make the choice to learn, to grow, to inspire, others and to do my part to heal my wounds, to unpack my issues from the past, to gain emotional tools so I am more empowered when life throws shit my way, which it will inevitably will. 

I live with pure integrity every day, no matter if any one else is around, because its me that matters. I am watching, I am learning, I am setting the path for my future. 

I took control, created my own destiny, I stopped playing the victim. Making these conscious decisions to create my own future is exactly how I choose to heal the world. 

If your dream is to own your own business, or have financial freedom but you sleep in late, you never read a book on your industry or gain more tools for the skills you want, if you stay out till 4 am with your drunk friends throwing limes at cars then do not expect life to give you your desires. You can continue to put your past issues on other people and then be mad they don’t live up to your expectations of what you need. Stop avoiding your issues, make you damn bed every morning, tell yourself you love yourself every time you pass mirror, and be deliberate in every small action you take. Life does not give you want you want, it responds to who you are. And that is a very beautiful thing once you align yourself in all the little actions each day. 

Kelsi Bates