Have you ever done a Facebook live? Almost 9 years exactly from when I thought about committing suicide I found myself sitting on my front porch contemplating if I should share my story with the world. Lots had changed in my life since that day. One being I am now a part of an amazing health and wellness company whose products helped my get off all my medication. As a part of that journey I wanted to share my story. I wasn’t sure if it would help anyone but the chance that it could help even one person is what had me contemplating sharing it in the first place. On the flip side, in doing this, I would also be letting everyone else know my story.
As I sat on my porch contemplating this decision I had so many thoughts run through my head. What will people think? Will they think I’m crazy now? Will they make fun of me? Will they care? Will they talk about me to other people? Luckily the bad thoughts weren’t the only thoughts I was having and the positive ones gave me excitement and hope. What if someone hears this story and it gives them hope? What if someone else is desperately wanting to know they aren’t the only one dealing with these feelings?
Those last two questions are what I chose to focus on and for the next 4 minutes it gave me insane courage. I got did a Facebook live and told my story. All of it, from start to finish. With the good, the bad, and the ugly. And you know what it was one of the most healing and liberating things I’ve done. The outpouring of love I received from people was amazing. I had people thanking me for sharing and saying things like without me sharing they would have never known “someone like me” would have ever thought about suicide. The ones close to my heart are the ones that said it was so good to know someone else had struggled with the very same thing they are going though because they didn’t think anyone else did. Those people who were struggling with the same exact problems reached out to just talk. But it wasn’t until 6 month later that I had my “aha moment.” It happened while we were standing in the line with at my dear cousin, Jason’s, funeral. My dad’s best friend took the time to come find me and tell me that he couldn’t thank me enough for sharing my story a few months back. He said with social media these days it always appears everyone’s life is so perfect and you really can’t see the truth of what is really going on. When the truth is we are all struggling with something and no one’s life is perfect not matter how it may appear. His hope was that more people would start to do the same to help show others we are more alike that we think, no one’s life is perfect, and no one has it all figured out. So today I share my story in the hopes of making those very things possible.