I was never physically addicted to alcohol, but alcohol was the common denominator in my life when it came to drama. There was not any one thing that caused me to make the decision to cut drinking out. Rather, it was everything.
I didn’t hit the preverbal rock bottom and there were no arrests or emergency room visits. I was just tired of breaking promises to my myself. I knew that if I was ever going to get what I wanted out of life I had to drop the party girl persona. So, a little over 2 years ago I decided to break up with Party girl Kelsi and find out who the real Kelsi truly was, and damn I could not have made a better decision. There were a lot of hard parts about transforming my life but there were some unexpected things as well, here are a few ways my life changed when I decided to change my life.
- Vibrate on a higher frequency
I have always been a spiritual person and believe that all things work with vibrations and energy, but I didn’t realize how my inner thoughts, feelings and emotions truly effect my outer world. Once I realized what substances lower my vibration and bring down into a state that doesn’t feel good or bring about the life I wanted I was more than happy to kick them all to the curb.
- Experience emotions, all the emotions
The alcohol lifestyle has been shoved down our throat from every angle; your team just won? Better grab a 6 pack! Celebrating your best friends’ engagement? Pop that cork baby!! Oh, you had a hard day at the office… a night cap always helps wind you down or drown out your sorrows. But why are we trying to mask these emotions, why do they constantly want us to numb to our own reality? At first being sober was uncomfortable, like I was standing in the middle of the room stark naked with everyone laughing at me. But after a few ups and downs sans booze I realized how much more fun concerts are or going on a first date feeling awkward and not having a “crutch”. Knowing that I can go thru a trauma and come out the other side stronger on my own rather then thinking I masked any part of the fear has been more empowering than any self-help book I could ever read.
- Money saved
Ok this seems like a given but I had no idea how much extra money I was spending because I was drinking, not just on booze itself. I was constantly the life of the party so if someone didn’t have money, but I wanted a friend I would pay for their drinks. If I was up at the bar and saw a group of friendly folks, a round of shots on me. Then after drinking I was always the one buying late night food for everyone so that we could keep hanging out rather than be alone. Or if I was alone after the bar I was wonderful at cyber shopping and weeks later being surprised on what on earth I had purchased when I was drunk. Now I always know how much I have in my bank account, my bills are always on time, and I can splurge on way bigger things like trips to Hawaii rather than a few weekend benders that I don’t even remember. I guessed I was spending about $250 a week on my party lifestyle so to date that means I have not spent $26,921.26, that is damn impressive honestly.
- Trust myself
Even if you don’t get blacked out drinking doesn’t always bring out the best side of ourselves. We have all been at the work xmas party and said something about a coworker or a project that the next day we wished we could have taken back. Now I never that have worry! I know what I say, I know why I say it, and I am confident on the outcome. I completely trust myself and my inner dialog because I deliberately chose my actions and my words and know that I stand behind them.
- Happier knowing my life is improving
Before I kind of felt stuck or weighed down most of the time. I didn’t make time to take care of myself or build on my skills. Now I make it a daily habit to do something tiny every single day that improves my physical self, my mental self, my emotional self and my spiritual self. Some of the things seems so insignificant but them more I do them the more I see the results of my continued improvement and I couldn’t be happier.
- Set goals and Slay them
I have always had a passion for self-development and empowerment. I knew all the things to do…. but I was too distracted to implement them. Now that I took away my distractions I dealt with my issues and I am clear minded enough to put into action all the tools that I have been gathering for years. I realized the biggest key to my success was in the daily details, and I could never complete these things and slay them if I was still wrapped up in my own self-pity or ego that I don’t need to change my habits.
- Vibrant health and clear complexion
I had always struggled with acne as long as I could remember but it especially got bad in my early 20’s when I hit the bars and started experience heartbreak. I went to numerous doctors and specialist, but nothing really helped. Once I cut out booze and started dealing with my inner shit and truly loving myself I have never in my life experienced a more beautiful complexion. Also, my eyes are a completely different color, I have light beaming out of them and a vibrancy like never before.
- Ability to spot a liar
Its amazing how now I have no tolerance for lies, yet how common they are especially around the bar scene. Lying about how much you’ve had to drink, lying about what you did the night before or even just lying about being happy. Now that I’ve stopped drinking I can spot those trying to mask their true feelings even if its to themselves.
The greatest definition of integrity I have come across is “never lying especially to yourself.” When you start to tell yourself that you will do something then end up not following thru you make an agreement to yourself that its ok to lie. Once you believe that you can lie to yourself it bleeds into your relationships and you will see you break commitments, you embellish stories, or you just flat out lie and never blink an eye. Deciding to never ever lie to myself has been one of the most life changing things I have every done and would not have been possible while still drinking.
- My mess is now my message
Damn that’s a big one, because I had one hell of a beautiful disaster. But once I started changing all these things within my life, people were attracted to me like a moth to flame. I knew I was always destined for great things but now that I have respect and love for myself my message is so clear and so powerful.
I am so grateful for my life now. Sobriety to me is not resisting the urge to drink, its healing the parts of myself that made me think I HAD to drink. I am grateful I can remain present and ride the ups and downs without having to numb or escape out of them. Sobriety to me is being free.